


Infinity

by wakeupstiles



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Grief, Loss, Raven Reyes-centric, Slow Burn, finn & raven have a brother/sister relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-13 12:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9123901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakeupstiles/pseuds/wakeupstiles
Summary: Their story was messy and beautiful and tragic and it was them. It was Raven and Octavia and they were the world.Or: the one where raven saves octavia the night of the dance and their story starts from there.





	1. Space

**Author's Note:**

> This story will be told in five parts.
> 
> At the start of this, Raven is 18 and Octavia is 16.

The first time Raven saw her, she was captivated. Because there she was, sweaty and exasperated, with grease stains on her hands and shirt, and there this girl was, out of breath and wide eyed, extremely disheveled, looking like she’d just ran a marathon except there wasn’t an ounce of sweat on her. She stood by the large window on the side of the station, the bright light of the full moon shining on her, illuminating her, causing her to look like something ethereal. Not to mention she was wearing a masquerade mask, which added to the overall mystery of who she was and what she was doing down in Mecha Station.

Raven was about to ask her just that, but hearing two guards’ footsteps and their angry voices stopped her. The girl’s face clouded with worry and anxiety at the sound of the men.

“I think she went this way.” One said.

“Arrest her and…” The second one trailed off, the rest of what he said muffled.

Raven arched a brow, intrigued. The girl must have done something pretty terrible for guards to be coming after her like that. She wanted to know what it was. She wanted to know who the girl behind the mask was.

“Come on,” Raven said lowly, motioning for the girl to come towards her.

“What?” She whispered back, rolling on the back of her heals anxiously.

Raven rolled her eyes and motioned again. “ _Come here!_ ” She hissed, her eyes darting towards the corner of the hallway where the men would come any minute and then back to the girl, pleading her to _hurry up._ The girl hesitated, then bit her lip and approached Raven, who grabbed her arm and shoved her down the little hatch that was hiding under the scrap pod she’d been working on.

“Ow!” The girl hissed, rubbing her head as Raven went to shut the lid.

“Shut up.” She hissed back, ignoring the girl’s glare. She shut the hatch and rolled the pod back on top of the trap door just as the men rounded the corner. Raven went back to working on the pod, hoping that the guards would ignore her, or at least not notice the hatch she was hiding under the metal. It blended in with the floor well enough, but there was always that chance of slipping up.

The two guards stopped in front of Raven, who ignored them until the one closest to her cleared his throat obnoxiously. She sighed heavily, letting her annoyance show as she looked up at the two men, an unpleased frown on her face. They stayed silent, staring at her, so she asked, “Is there something I can help you with?” With agitation in her tone.

“Have you seen a girl?” The first one asked.

Raven crossed her arms, leaning her hip on the metal. “You’ll have to be more specific. There are a lot of girls on this ship.” She would know; she’s slept with most of them.

“Short, long brown hair, tan.” The second described pitifully.

She rolled her eyes. “Could you be anymore generic? That could be me you’re talking about.”

“She was wearing a mask.” Huffed the first one.

“Like from those Purge movies?” Raven questioned. She’d watched those movies a few weeks ago. They were some of the few preserved on the Ark. Some of the better ones, in her opinion.

The second one narrowed his eyes at her. “Have you seen the girl or not?”

“Nope.” She said simply, making a popping sound at the end of the wor. “The only girl down here is me.”

“Alert us if you see her.” Said the first one.

“Why?” Raven asked, arching a brow. “What’d she do?”

“Just alert us.” The first one snapped as he and his partner walked away.

“Sure.” Raven muttered, adding a few cuss words under her breath. She wasn’t expecting them to say why they were looking for her, but they didn’t have to be dicks about it. Then again, mostly all the guards on the Ark were assholes, so she didn’t know why she expected anything different.

She waited five minutes before she pushed the pod off the trap door and lifted the hatch. A pair of bright blue eyes stared up at her, wide and gleaming. “You okay?” Raven asked, holding a hand down to the girl, who took it and allowed herself to be pulled up.

“Fine.” She nodded, smoothing out her dress. “I’m used to hiding under the floor.”

And the intrigue grew. “Who the hell are you?”

“Octavia.” She answered, pulling off her mask. Raven contained her gasp and tried to not stare like a creep. Before she thought the girl was beautiful, there was no denying that, but with the mask off, with no shield on her face, she was absolutely _stunning._

Blinking, Raven cleared the fog from her head. “You got a last name?” She asked, crossing her arms.

“Blake.” The girl answered.

Raven furrowed her brows. There was only one other Blake kid that she knew and he was—“ _Octavia,_ ” Standing right in front of them looking like he wanted to murder someone. Raven assumed it was her, with how his body tensed when he saw her talking to Octavia.

Raven looked between him and Octavia a few times, going through the calculations in her head. She knew the truth, but it should have been impossible. “This is your sister.” She stated, trying to not sound as surprised as she was. Having two kids on the Ark was against the law; population control was a big priority on the Ark. Parents would get Floated for having a second kid. Those who knew about said kid could potentially get Floated, too.

“Shut up.” Bellamy hissed, eyes narrowed. “If you tell anyone I swear—“

Now Raven narrowed her eyes at the man. “You’ll what? Shoot me with that fancy gun? Float me? I’m not scared of you, Bellamy.” She snapped, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. They were now chest to chest, glaring at each other intently. Octavia watched from the side, clueless as to what she should do to break up the looming fight.

After several seconds, Bellamy’s eyes softened and his shoulders slouched. “Please,” He begged, his voice low, nearly cracking. “ _Please_ don’t say anything.”

Raven’s face relaxed and she shrugged. “I wasn’t going to say anything. Why do you think I helped you hide?” She was looking at Octavia now, and Octavia was looking back with a grateful smile. “Anyway,” She turned back to the pod she’d been working on minutes before. “I have work to do.” She picked up a wrench and began working again.

Bellamy grabbed his sister’s hand and started leading her away, but Octavia halted them and turned back to the girl who had saved her. “Hey, Raven,” She called. Raven stopped working, giving Octavia her attention. “You should…you should come to our apartment sometime. It would…be nice to have a friend.” She was hesitant with her words, afraid that Raven would laugh and reject her.

But Raven surprised her when she nodded and smiled back. “Yeah, okay.” Then she went back to work and Octavia allowed Bellamy to pull her away while the coast was clear.

As they made their way back to their home, Octavia’s smile never faded, and the warmth she felt in her chest continued to grow even as she lay under the floorboards that night, trying and failing to sleep.

 

 

That night, Raven lay awake in bed, staring up at the dull ceiling while gripping the metal bird pendant that hung around her neck. She thought of Finn, her basically-adopted brother, who was down in the juvenile lockup because of a crime she’d committed. A crime he took the blame for because she was eighteen and would have gotten Floated without hesitation. Taking an illegal spacewalk and wasting three months-worth of oxygen definitely wasn’t up for a trail in the Counsel’s eyes. But she hoped Finn had a chance. He was the only family she had.

And she lay in bed thinking of the girl in the mask. Octavia Blake. The Forbidden Child. The Girl Who Shouldn’t Exist. She thought of how relieved she’d looked when Raven had saved her, when she hadn’t betrayed her and turned her over to the guards. Raven wanted to pretend that she didn’t know why she saved the girl, why she risked her life for her, but the truth of it was, that she knew all too well. She knew what it was like to be unwanted. She knew what it was like to be a burden. She knew what it was like to exist but not really be _alive._

She didn’t know Octavia Blake, but she knew her, because she was her.

Raven turned over, curled her legs up to her chest, and shut her eyes. She tried to turn her mind off, to quiet the voice in her head, but it was no use; the girl in the mask with the bright blue eyes had invaded her mind and Raven knew, from that moment on, that she would never leave.

 

 

Raven approached Bellamy three days later in the cafeteria. His arms were crossed and his jaw was set, giving her a dark look as she stepped up to him. Raven arched her brows, nodding towards the exit door, then without waiting for an answer, she left. She waited for him in the corner of the hallway, next to the large window that gave way to the beautiful galaxy. Bellamy kept his head down as he walked towards her, stopping just a few inches in front of her. His head remained down as Raven spoke, “When can I visit?”

The man looked up at her then, his eyes slightly wide in surprise. He hadn’t been expecting that; he’s supposed she wanted something in return for keeping Octavia a secret. Maybe a better job, a high level of authorization, better housing, more food rations, but never would he have guessed that Raven actually wanted to…be his sister’s friend.

Bellamy furrowed his brows, thinking. “Our mom is gone most days. She comes home after the end of the working day.”

“So?” Raven dragged out the word, waiting for a definitive answer.

“Any time between seven in the morning and eight at night.” He finally answered.

“What days?” She pressed.

“Any day except Sunday.” Home inspections were every Sunday at noon, and everyone was expected to be in their homes for it unless of an emergency.

Raven nodded. “Okay. I’ll come over tomorrow, then. I’m not working until four.”

Then she turned to walk away, but Bellamy called after her, his voice low, “Hey, Raven,” She stopped but didn’t turn back to him. “Just…thanks.” It seemed like he should have said more, but what else was there to say? _Thank you for not getting my sister arrested. Thank you for not getting my mother Floated. Thank you for risking your life for someone you didn’t even know. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you._

Thank you was all he knew, and thank you was all Raven needed.

She nodded once and then left down the narrow hallway back towards Mecha Station to finish her pod repairs from a few days ago when she’d first seen the girl in the mask.

 

 

She made sure she was alone in the hallway before she knocked on the steel door, then waited patiently with her hands clasped in front of her. She assumed Bellamy had told his sister that she would be coming that morning. She hoped he had. She raised her fist to knock again, but the door slid open an inch to reveal a single piercing blue eye. “Hey—“ Raven was pulled through the barely open door quickly. Octavia slammed it shut behind them, making sure it was locked before turning to Raven with a wide, open mouthed grin on her face.

“You came!” She exclaimed, throwing her arms around Raven excitedly.

Raven stiffened, taken aback by the affection. But it only took a second before she wrapped her arms around the girl’s back, hugging her just as tightly. She had to remind herself that Octavia lived a sheltered life, one of solitude and loneliness. She had her brother and her mother but no one else. No contact with people outside of their small apartment. Raven would be just as elated, if not more in seeing a different, friendly face.

Octavia pulled away from her, stilling smiling. Raven noted how her nose scrunched up, how her eyes crinkled, and she tried to not think about how cute she was. No—cute wasn’t the right word. Beautiful. Octavia Blake was beautiful. _Ethereal._ She remembered how she glowed in the moonlight the very first night she saw her. And even now, in a raggedy shirt and pants with her long brown hair messily pulled up, her beauty did not falter.

“I’m really glad you came.” Octavia said, motioning for Raven to sit down at the small table in the center of the room.

“You shouldn’t be alone.” Raven said, sitting and not taking her eyes off the girl.

And they sat and they talked. Raven learned that Octavia was sixteen and she was named after the Roman Emperor Augusts’ sister, Octavia. She learned that Octavia was good at sewing, she liked the color blue, her favorite food was bread _(“mostly because that’s all Bellamy is able to bring me”)_ , and she dreamed of being free. More than anything, she wanted freedom.

Raven understood her, Raven was her. Because even though Raven could live outside the Ark, even though Raven could go anywhere she pleased, she was still locked up. She was still hidden. The only time she was ever at peace, the only time she felt alive, was when she was out in space. If she could live in the astronaut suit, she would.

 

 

Bellamy came to her the day after her first visit. She half expected to get chewed out, but instead she got a hug. Which, needless to say, surprised the hell out of her. When Bellamy pulled away from her, he had tears in his eyes, which again, threw Raven for a ride.

“I’ve never seen her so happy.” He said. “She hasn’t stopped smiling.” He added.

And something inside Raven stung. It stung with an intense fire, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, it made her feel… _whole._ If she could bring someone that much happiness by doing something so little, then maybe she wasn’t as unneeded as she thought.

“I’ll come every day that I can.” She said, and she meant it.

Every other day Raven would go see Octavia, and stayed until she had to go to work. Sometimes Octavia and Bellamy’s mother would be there. At first the woman didn’t like Raven, didn’t trust her, but through Octavia’s begs and pleas, she warmed up to the mechanic. Raven learned that Aurora repaired clothes and guard uniforms on the Ark, and she got paid relatively well for it. She learned that Bellamy and Octavia had different fathers, though she wouldn’t say who they were. Raven wasn’t exactly sure that she wanted to know.

Aurora was a complicated woman, but she was nice. Nicer than Raven’s mother had been.

The visits continued for a few months. Octavia smiled. Bellamy was happy. Aurora didn’t worry. Raven didn’t get lost in her head anymore.

But then, on Octavia’s seventeenth birthday, everything changed.

Raven was on her way to the Blake’s apartment. It was seven-thirty in the morning, so work shifts had started thirty minutes ago for those who worked that day. It was Friday. In the sack resting on Raven’s shoulder, she had a small, round chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. She’d been trading machine parts for supplies to make the cake. It’d taken her some time, but it was worth it; Octavia had never had a birthday cake before, but this year she would.

Except she wouldn’t.

As Raven neared their apartment, she heard screaming. And when she rounded the corner, she saw two guards exiting an apartment, dragging a young girl out with them. Raven froze, eyes wide, heart stopping. Because that girl, that girl who was thrashing and screaming and trying to get away was Octavia Blake.

Bellamy exited the apartment after, helplessness consuming all of his features. He quickly made eye contact with Raven and shook his head slightly, telling her to stay there, to not interfere, _to just shut up and turn around and go home, Raven. Go home._

One guard kept hold of Octavia while the other went back into the apartment and emerged seconds later with Aurora in tow. He grabbed Bellamy’s arm with his free hand and began leading them down the hallway in the opposite direction from Raven. Octavia was now silently sobbing as the guard gripping her walked behind her brother and mother.

And Raven stood in the middle of the hallway, her blood cold, her heart shattered. Because there was Octavia, the moon and the stars and everything bright in the universe, getting dragged away to be put in a dark cell deep in the Ark, never to shine again.


	2. Orbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Octavia was drowning her, suffocating her, and Raven figured that if this was what it was like to love someone, then she didn’t want to breathe ever again. She just needed Octavia to not let her go.

The first time Raven saw her in lockup, she looked exhausted. Her usually sleek brown hair was ratty, pulled into a loose knot at the nape of her neck. Her naturally tan skin had dimmed, becoming a greyish color, and her bright blue eyes were devoid of life, vacant of that sparkle Raven had grown to love so much. She was wearing the lockup uniform; a dark blue jumpsuit, though the upper half was wrapped around her waist and the white tank-top underneath was baggy and stained. But the thing Raven couldn’t stop staring at, the thing that made all the rage collect inside of her and begin bubbling to the surface again, was the dark purple bruise on Octavia’s right eye, sloping down to her cheek bone and fading at the beginning of her jaw.

Raven clenched her jaw, grinding her teeth. “Who the hell did that to you?” She growled, keeping her hands clasped under the table in a tight ball.

Octavia shrugged, keeping her dull gaze on the wall behind Raven rather than her face. “A guard.”

“Which one?” Raven asked through her teeth. A million images rushed through her mind, all of which consisted of Raven finding the guard and torturing them in some way before locking them in the Floating dock and pulling the lever, releasing them into the suffocating atmosphere.

Octavia shook her head. “Doesn’t matter.”

Raven suppressed a whine at the girl’s words. “It does to me.” Her voice cracked on the last word and her eyes began to sting. How could Octavia think her getting hurt wouldn’t matter? Had she lost all regard for herself? Raven didn’t want this place to break her; Octavia was a free spirit, a tough girl, Raven didn’t want lockup to take that away.

Sighing, Octavia brought her elbow up on the table and propped her unbruised cheek in her palm. “It’s my fault he hit me.”

Raven furrowed her brows. “Why would you say that?”

A small smile spread on Octavia’s face. “Because I bit him.”

Raven’s eyes widened slightly. “You bit him?”

Octavia nodded, the smile ever growing into a large, sly grin. “Broke the skin. He even bled a little.” Her tone had gone from bored to excited, and suddenly all her features lit up. There was that little shine back in her eyes and Raven felt her heart clench.

Though Raven was proud of her, and damn, she absolutely was, she knew that if Octavia kept this sort of behavior up, then her chances of a good trail would diminish into nothing. She told her just that: “If you rebel like that, then it won’t go over well at your trial.”

Octavia’s face fell from humorous to serious, borderline sad, half defeated. She dropped her hand on the table and turned her palm up, motioning with her fingers for Raven to give her her hand. Hesitantly, Raven uncurled her fist and set her hand in Octavia’s, who gently squeezed her fingers. She smiled sadly, her voice low when she spoke, “Raven, we both know I won’t be getting a trail.”

“You don’t _know_ that.” Raven’s voice was strained, desperate for it to not break completely. God, she was completely gone on Octavia Blake. When had that happened, she wondered. When had the soft spot she developed for the girl turn into a complete crush and bloom into…love. And why the hell did it take her so long to realize it? In the year that they’d gotten to know each other, there was so much wasted time with unspoken feelings.

Though, she didn’t know if Octavia felt the same way. In a way it didn’t matter to her, because Octavia was in her life and that’s all Raven needed.

At least, that’s what she would tell herself.

Because now was not the time for a love confession; now was the time to save Octavia’s life.

Octavia nodded slightly, her hand still holding Raven’s. “Yes, I do. And you do, too.”

“Is it wrong to hope?” Again there was that whine she had to strain her voice through.

“No. It’s not wrong, but it is a waste of time.” She stated bluntly, sitting back in her metal chair and crossing her arms tightly over her chest. Raven’s hand became cold from the emptiness and she wished Octavia would grab it again, that she would hold her for just a little longer. “They can’t Float me until I’m eighteen. I have a year to rebel. So that’s what I’m going to do.” The defiance was back in her eyes, making their blue hue glow. She looked beautiful, but then she always did, though now that glow Raven had seen the first night they met was surrounding her, engulfing her, and in turn, drawing Raven in deeper and deeper.

Octavia was drowning her, suffocating her, and Raven figured that if this was what it was like to love someone, then she didn’t want to breathe ever again. She just needed Octavia to not let her go.

Raven forced down the lump in her throat and quirked her lips up into a tiny smile. “Give them hell.” She whispered.

Octavia smiled back. “That’s the plan.”

 

 

“You love her.” Finn stated, leaning back in his chair and clasping his hands behind his head. There was a little smug smirk on his face and Raven wanted to slap it off, but instead she just groaned and slumped back in her chair.

“I do.” She practically cried. “I don’t know when it happened, but I love her.”

“Did you tell her?” He asked aloofly.

Raven shook her head, propping her chin up in her hand. “She doesn’t feel the same way.”

Finn arched his brows high. “How could you know that if you don’t tell her how you feel?”

“It’s not the right time.” She answered, her voice muffled due to her face scrunched up in her hand.

The boy rolled his eyes at his sister’s answer. “There’s _never_ a right time.” He leaned towards her and stared intently into her dark eyes, adding matter-of-factly, “ _Especially_ when she’s in lockup and you’re not.”

Raven narrowed her eyes, shifting away from him. “It’s just—it’s not the right time, Finn. Drop it.”

“Yeah, okay.” He muttered in that annoying sarcastic tone she hated. The way he talked to her, it was like he was a defiant child and she was his overbearing mother.

“How are you doing?” The change of subject was needed, because if they continued talking about Octavia, Raven was bound to start crying, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

Finn indulged her, answering, “Fine. Three square meals a day. Water. Sometimes they even let me have play time.” He winked.

“You’re an ass.” She rolled her eyes heavily, doing little to hide the smile quirking the corners of her lips.

“You love me.”

She shook her head but said, “Obviously.”

“Have you heard anything?” He asked, his voice suddenly serious. Raven’s face fell, she knew exactly what he was talking about: the oxygen. The three-month supply that _she_ let into the atmosphere, that _she_ wasted because she wanted to see the stars a little more closely. A mistake _she_ made that Finn gladly and encouragingly took the blame for.

She’d never be able to repay him, though he wouldn’t accept it if she did.

_“That’s what family’s for. That’s what family does.”_ He’d said the first time she came to see him in lockup, and put the end to the conversation, though it didn’t put the end to her guilt. She would feel that every day.

“No.” She finally answered after pulling herself from her self-loathing thoughts. “They wouldn’t tell me, anyway.”

“You’re the zero-g mechanic of the Ark; isn’t it required for them to tell you those things?”

Raven shrugged, her shoulders suddenly heavy. “I’m nineteen; I don’t have the clearance. They don’t have to tell me shit. They _don’t_ tell me shit. Speaking of, I have to get to work.” That was a lie; she didn’t have to go to work, she was meeting Bellamy. Ever since Octavia was put in a cell, they’d been trying to get her out. So far, they had nothing, but Raven knew that the more they tried, sooner or later they would have _something._

At least, that’s what she kept telling herself. It’s the only way she was able to sleep at night.

Finn didn’t chide her with more questions, instead he nodded and sighed, “See you in two weeks.”

She stood, rolling things over in her mind. Octavia was going to rebel, she was going to fight, and she was bound to get herself killed too soon if she kept it up. Raven couldn’t do anything, neither could Bellamy, damn it all, but maybe… “Try to look out for her, okay? I know it’s hard to do while being in a cell, but just…” She trailed off, biting her lip.

He flashed her a reassuring smile. “I will, Raven.”

“Thanks.” She exhaled in relief, then made her way to the door.

“Go kick ass.”

“Always.”

“Hey, Rae,” He called as her hand rested on the silver knob. She didn’t turn to him, but waited for him to speak. “It’s gonna be okay.” And he really believed it. That was Finn, ever the optimist.

“Yeah.” She nodded, then left.

She wanted to believe it, more than anything, she wanted things to be okay.

But they weren’t and they wouldn’t be.

Because Raven was a realist, and she knew the truth of the situation.

Everything was going to hell and she had a first class ticket to watch it burn.

 

 

Raven met Bellamy in Mecha Station a few minutes later. Their talking and strategizing quickly turned into a heated argument within ten minutes, as it always did. They kept their voices to harsh whispers so they would go unnoticed.

“We have to do something.” She strained her voice to keep it low, a shout nearly breaking through.

He raised his arms in the air, defeat wearing thick lines on his face. “What can we do?”

“Break her out. I can sneak into the control room and open her cell door. Shut out all the lights and…” They’d been over that plan before; it was useless. But what else did they have? Nothing. They had nothing. Weeks of trying, and they were empty.

“And where would she go? Back under the floor?”

“We could hide her somewhere in the Ark.”

“There’s nowhere to hide, Raven!” He rose a few octaves, and he was nearly towering over her; she could see the vein pulsing in his neck. “There’s nowhere she can go.”

But she didn’t back down. “So, what, we’re just going to give up? You’re going to let your sister get Floated on her eighteenth birthday?” They were chest to chest, their nostrils flaring, their eyes slanted in hate, their breaths coming out in aggravated little huffs.

Bellamy stared at her, jaw clenched so tight she thought his teeth might break. “There’s nothing I can do. They’ve demoted me. They’ve taken away what little power I had. And what can you do? You’re just a mechanic.” He spat the word as if it was an insult.

Raven laughed humorlessly. “I’m the youngest zero-g mechanic in 52 years; there’s a lot I can do, Bellamy. Most of it’s not legal, but I can do it.”

He sighed heavily, taking a few steps away from her and rubbing his temples with one hand while the other rested on his hip. When he looked back up at her, all the malice had dissolved from his features, leaving him looking tired and wan. “Don’t—just, don’t do anything. Don’t do anything, Raven.” His voice was low, his tone exasperated. Staring at him then, he looked as if he’d aged thirty years.

But she was hurting, too. With watery eyes, she asked, “Do you expect me to just go about my regular day to day life while Octavia sits in that cell?”

“Yes, I do.” He answered simply.

_“Bellamy!”_ She exclaimed in desperation, her voice high.

“Don’t do anything, Raven!” He shouted back, trying to get his point across.

She stared at him for a few seconds, confusion settling over her, but then, when she saw the glint in his eyes, she knew. “You’re going to do something.” She stated, crossing her arms.

He shrugged heavily. “There’s nothing I can do.”

“But you’re going to do _something._ ” She didn’t let up, because this was Bellamy and that was his sister, and she knew he wouldn’t let her go without a fight to the death. His death, if it meant that.

He shook his head, turning and beginning to walk away from her. “I have to get back to work.”

“Bellamy,” She called after him, her voice cracking. She didn’t want this to be over. She didn’t want to give up. If he was going to do something, then she wanted to be a part of it, too. She was useful, she was a genius. She could do anything. He needed her. And he knew that she cared for Octavia and didn’t care about the consequences of getting caught trying to save her.

So, then why was he excluding her?

“Go to work, Raven.” He called behind his back, and then disappeared around a corner, leaving her alone in their little nook of the hallway.

_“Bastard.”_ She hissed under her breath, and watched until the man was out of sight before she grabbed a wrench and chucked it across the hallway. It clanked against the metal wall, disappearing behind some boxes. Raven inhaled and exhaled rapidly, breathing in deeply through her nose and harshly out through her mouth. She grabbed her head and paced around the floor a few times, her whole world spinning, her mind a fucking mess.

She was helpless. She was completely helpless. The girl she loved was going to die. She was going to die and there was nothing Raven could _fucking do about it._

At least Finn had a chance, but Octavia? There was no way. There was no way.

Letting a strangled cry escape her mouth, Raven slid down the wall and held her knees tightly to her chest. She buried her head in her knees, biting her tongue and squeezing her eyes shut so tight she saw bright orbs behind the darkness. Her whole body shook, from fear and anger and hopelessness.

And finally, she cried.

 

 

The high screeching of the Ark alarms awoke her a few nights later. She jumped out of bed and went to her door, flinging it open to see a horde of guards running past her, down the hallway. “What happened?” She shouted over the sound.

“The Chancellor has been shot.” Someone shouted back from the group.

That was the last time she saw Bellamy Blake on the Ark.

 

 

“What do you mean they’re _gone?_ ” She snarled, rage contorting her features.

Abby looked her in the eyes and stated a little reluctantly, “The hundred delinquents have been sent to earth.”

Now, she was utterly alone.

 

 

Abby approached her the next day, her palms up in a truce. Raven stood tall, crossing her arms over her chest and gripping the wrench in her hand tightly. “What do you want?” She questioned, her tone unwelcoming, her jaw set tight.

“I need your help.” Abby said, the urgency in her voice making Raven’s interest heighten.

“With?” She asked, keeping her voice neutral, trying to not show interest.

Abby disregarded the question, and instead said, “They’re alive.” And it was like the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders.

“Is Finn okay? Is Octavia?” Raven asked, her mind racing with all the possibilities. Earth was safe. The hundred made it to the ground alive. _Alive. Alive. Alive._

“They’re taking off their tracking bracelets and we have no other means of communication with them.” Abby avoided the question.

Raven furrowed her brows. “What does that have to do with me?”

Abby smiled. “You’re the youngest zero-g mechanic in fifty years.”

“Fifty-two.” Raven corrected.

The woman nodded considerably. “Follow me,” She turned and motioned for Raven to walk after her, which she did, because curiosity had gotten the better of her and Raven needed to know if Finn and Octavia were okay. If they were _alive._

 

 

Abby took her down to the restricted artifacts area of the Ark. While it was in Mecha Station, Raven had never been in the room; she didn’t have the clearance. She stood in awe in the doorway, eyes scanning over all the trinkets and books that she couldn’t touch. _The books._ What a waste for them to be down there, locked up where no one could read them. Raven wondered what secrets they held.

Snapping out of her curiosity about the unknown, Raven shifted her eyes back to Abby, who was beside a large mass covered by a tan tarp. She was about to ask what they were doing down there, when Abby grabbed the cover and yanked it from the mass, revealing an ancient, rusted pod.

“Whoa,” Raven uttered under her breath, eyes wide. She dropped her arms to her sides and approached the pod, running her fingers over its bumpy surface. “How old is it?” She wondered out loud.

“A hundred and thirty years old.” Abby answered.

Raven looked up at her. “No shit.” She mumbled in astonishment.

“Can you get it running?”

Raven shrugged but nodded as she continued to examine the pod. “It’ll take me a few weeks.”

“You have two days.”

She froze, looking up at the woman again, eyebrows raised. “Are you serious? For what?”

Abby hesitated, then explained, “The Ark is dying. I have ten days to prove that earth is survivable or else we have to reduce the population by three-hundred and twenty people.”

“How…would you do that?” But she knew the answer: sacrifice. Sacrifice three-hundred and twenty people in order to keep oxygen rotating through the Ark. It was evil. Evil and inhumane and Raven couldn’t believe people were like that. Nineteen years on the Ark, and it still horrified her what people would do in order to survive.

“What do you need me for?” Raven finally asked.

“You take this escape pod, you get to earth. You find a way to contact us.” Abby made it sound so simple, but it was far from it. She wanted Raven to reassemble an ancient pod in _two days_ and hope that it got her down to earth. It was a suicide mission. Seeing the hesitance and unsureness in Raven’s face, Abby placed her hands on Raven’s shoulders and added, “You’re the smartest person on the Ark, Raven. If anyone can fix the communication down there to transmit up here, it’s you.” Her voice was urgent and the look in her eyes was pleading. Raven knew Abby’s daughter, Clarke was on the ground, so this was about more than the Ark; this was about her kid.

Yet here this opportunity was for Raven to get down to the ground, get down to Octavia and Finn, and hell, even Bellamy, but she was hesitating because she was scared.

_Suck it up._ She commanded herself. _This is the chance you wanted. This is the break you needed. This is it. This is all you’re going to get._ She made eye contact with Abby and said confidently, “I’ll need supplies.”

Exhaling in relief, Abby nodded. “Whatever you need.”

She looked past the woman, back to the beaten up pod. A twinge of anxiety pulsed through her, but she pushed it down.

_I can do this._

And of course she could. She was Raven Reyes; she could do anything.

 

 

She worked until her fingers bled, and then she worked some more. Sleep was not necessary; the thought of being reunited with the people she loved—Bellamy too, even though they left on a less-than-positive note—kept her alert.

By the time the second morning rolled around, her hands were numb and her brain was floating, the need for rest finally settling in. Her eyes were heavy and all she wanted to do was crawl into the tiny pod and sleep for a few weeks.

“It’s time!” She shot up, eyes wide when she heard Abby rush into the room and lock down the door behind her. She punched a few numbers on the key pad and the door locked in place, cemented closed to anyone who was on the outside.

“What’s going on?” Raven asked, pulling her space suit over her clothes hurriedly.

Abby shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. Just get to the ground. Find the kids. Find Clarke, Octavia, and Finn. And find a way to contact the Ark from the ground.” She placed the astronaut helmet on Raven’s head, securing it in place so that it was air tight, then slipped a piece of paper in her hands.

Raven wrapped her arms around the woman. “Thank you, Abby.” It would be the last time she saw her, she supposed.

Abby hugged her back, tightly, briefly, then pushed her away as a loud banging sounded at the metal door. “Go. Now.” Raven got into the pod as Abby went to the right side of the wall and placed her hand on the lever that would open the window on wall behind Raven and propel her into space.

Raven secured the door and gave Abby a curt nod. The woman nodded back, then pulled the lever, and she was gone. She held her breath, squeezing her hands around the steering wheel as she fell through the stars. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes and began turning nobs and punching buttons, praying to whatever was out there that the pod would work.

1…

_Come on. Come on._

2...

_Please work. Please work._

3…

“Yes!” She shouted in elation as the lights blinked to life. “Good job, Reyes, good job.” She congratulated herself, exhaling in relief. She smoothed out the paper Abby had given her and punched in the coordinance to where she should land. Should being the key word. With the old pod, she didn’t know how precise it was going to be, but she had to keep hope in her mind that she would land where the dropship had, or at least a few miles out.

And so she fell to the ground like a shooting star, like a wish that was promised to come true.

_I’m coming. I’m coming._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lemme know what you think, please :) 
> 
> the reunion is next chapter.


	3. Land

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There, in Raven's arms, Octavia was home.

The first time Raven saw her on the ground, she barely recognized her. Her hair was braided back, her skin was covered in dirt and black paint. She wasn’t wearing the lockup uniform anymore; she was wearing black on black with leather boots. How Octavia got them, Raven had no idea. In her hand was a machete. Raven could have sworn that she saw blood splatter on Octavia’s gloved hands, but she wasn’t sure. The only things that were the same were her eyes, bright and beautiful, and her smile, wide and eager.

“Raven,” Her name fell from Octavia’s lips in a barely-whisper.

Raven smiled, eyes just as wide as Octavia’s. “Octavia,” She whispered back breathlessly, heart hammering in her chest because _what was she supposed to do?_

Miraculously, she made it to earth.

Impossibly, she survived the landing.

And now, _now,_ she was standing in front of the girl she never thought she would see again, and she was _real_ and she was _there,_ and Raven had gone through millions of scenarios like this before in daydreams, but now that it was happening she had no idea what to do.

So, Octavia moved first. Nearly leaping in the air, she collided into Raven with such force, it nearly knocked the girl off her feet. Instantly, Raven locked her arms around Octavia, holding her tightly against her in fear that if she left go she’d disappear and this would all be some sick dream. Octavia held Raven just as tightly, burying her face in the crook of her neck and inhaling deeply. Engine oil and the faint scent of sweet grass filled her nostrils, and while it was a strange mix, it was home.

There, in Raven’s arms, Octavia was home.

They pulled away too soon, though, because a blonde girl Raven recognized as Clarke Griffin began asking a million questions. “Did my mom send you? Is she okay?” Her voice was anxious, begging yet scared for answers.

Raven nodded. “She was okay when I left. Now,” She trailed off, shrugging and looking at the grass. “I don’t know.”

“We can’t get in touch with the Ark.” Clarke went on, trying to not think about the possible fate of her mother.

“I know, that’s why I’m here.” Raven looked to the pod, then back at Clarke. “Abby sent me so that I could fix the radio.”

The blonde exhaled in mild relief. “Good, okay.” Clarke smiled despite the worry for her mother gnawing away at her. She wouldn’t get the answers now; she needed to keep busy. She turned to inspect the contents of the pod, then looked back to Raven. “Hey, Raven,” There was hesitation in her voice, like she didn’t exactly know what to say to the girl who just fell from the sky in a ball of fire. Raven kept her eyes on the blonde, waiting for her to continue. Finally, Clarke sighed and said, “It’s really good to see you.”

Raven half smiled. “Yeah, it’s good to see you, too.” They hadn’t been friends back on the Ark, in fact, Raven actually kind of hated her. For no other reason other than she seemed to have everything: perfect family, perfect friends, perfect life. But after Clarke’s dad got Floated and Clarke was arrested for treason, Raven saw the truth: Clarke wasn’t perfect, her life wasn’t perfect, and neither was her family; in fact, it was all kind of fucked up. She didn’t hate her after that, she disliked the fact that she had hated her at all, but Raven wasn’t first in line to become her friend, either.

“Come on,” Octavia grabbed Raven’s hand, locking their fingers together. “Finn is going to shit himself when he sees you.” She said, grinning widely and beginning to lead Raven back towards camp.

“Get the radio from the pod, okay Clarke?” Raven called over her shoulder.

“Got it.” Clarke called back, and then the two girls disappeared through the vast trees, Octavia leading the way, never removing her hand from Raven’s and Raven couldn’t stop the intense fluttering of her heart. Because she was there, there on the ground with Octavia, with the girl she loved.

She was alive, she was _real._

 

 

“They’re so small from down here.” Raven mumbled in awe. She was currently laid out on her back, under the bright starry night sky with Octavia lying close beside her. She hadn’t left her side at all that day, not even when Raven had her reunion with Finn. No matter where she turned, Octavia was there, glued to her hip. Any other time, with someone else, Raven would have found it annoying, but this wasn’t any time and this wasn’t just some person; it was Octavia—Raven could never get tired of her.

Octavia nodded in agreement. “Three-hundred-years of living in space, of artificial light and recycled oxygen, and we’re finally here. We’re _free._ ”

Raven looked over at her. “How did you all survive for a month?” She questioned. It’d been eating away at her, wanting to know how it was possible. How they all functioned together, how they built a little, thriving village from a broken down dropship, how they hadn’t killed each other the first chance they got.

Octavia shrugged a shoulder, not looking at the girl. “Not all of us did. Things were rough for a few weeks. But, once Bellamy got the stick out of his ass and actually listened to what others had to say—namely Clarke—things were better.”

“I still haven’t said one word to Bellamy.” Raven tried to keep the disdain from her voice, but it was a poor attempt.

Octavia looked at her then, reached out and lightly stroked her shoulder. “He didn’t want to leave you out of the plan.”

“Then why did he?” Raven asked, her voice a mixture of hurt and rage.

“Because I asked him to.” Octavia replied easily.

Raven sat up on her elbows, brows furrowed and forehead creased in confusion. “Why the _hell_ would you do that?”

Octavia sighed and sat up beside her, wrapping her arms around her knees. “Because I knew the risks. I knew that if he got caught before getting onto the dropship then you both would… Bellamy and I both agreed, in the end, that you should have a life.”

Raven instinctively reached out and grabbed Octavia’s hand, squeezing. “You _are_ my life. When I heard about Jaha getting shot, and then Bellamy disappeared and you were gone…it was like a hole had been carved out of me, Octavia.” Her voice cracked towards the end of her sentence and she felt her eyes stinging. She used her free hand to pinch the bridge of her nose to keep the tears at bay.

“I’m sorry.” Came Octavia’s soft reply, removing her hand from under Raven’s and putting it on top of hers, gripping it tightly. “I just didn’t want anything to happen to you.”

Something between a laugh and a whine escaped Raven’s throat. “I never thought I would see you again.” She nearly cried.

“Neither did I. Then you fell from the sky like a damn shooting star. I actually thought it was a shooting star. I even made a wish.” Through the light of the moon and stars, Raven noticed a little blush dance across Octavia’s cheeks.

“What did you wish for?” She asked, her heart thumping so loud she could hear it echo in her ears.

“That I could see you again.” Octavia said softly.

“Your wish came true.” Raven said, and _god_ her heart was beating like crazy, she was surprised she hadn’t started hyperventilating. She was only talking to her, just talking, nothing else, and yet she felt like she was floating. Just being there, next to the girl she loved, it was more than she could have hoped for considering how stacked the odds had been against them.

Octavia smiled but it quickly faded and she ducked her head down, hiding it from Raven’s sight. She wiped her eyes before looking back up at the girl and saying, “I don’t know what I would have done if…” Octavia trailed off, her voice strangled by the lump forming in her throat.

Raven moved closer to her, gently cupping the girl’s cheek. “Hey,” She said softly, holding her head to the side as she gazed at the girl she loved. She wanted nothing more than to pull Octavia against her and kiss her, to reassure her that she wasn’t going anywhere, not ever again. But she didn’t. Instead, she kept her hand on Octavia’s cheek and said, “You don’t have to think about that. I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere.”

Octavia opened her eyes and smiled sadly. “We’re in a war with the Grounders.”

Raven nodded, moving her hand down from Octavia’s cheek to her shoulder, where she pulled her against her against her side. “The people who survived the radiation.”

Octavia lead her head against Raven’s shoulder and nodded. “I’ll tell you everything about it tomorrow, right now, I just want to sit here, with you.”

“Then we’ll sit.” Raven said, tightening her hold around the girl.

It was peaceful, just the two of them, surrounded by the trees and the stars and the comfortable silence of two girls who loved each other. Raven didn’t want it to end.

 

 

It was an awful thing, having your heart broken. Raven thought it was worse than death—because when you’re dead you’re gone and you felt nothing and everything was dark. But when you’re alive and you’re shattered at every edge, you still had to breathe even though you’re practically suffocating and you still had to function even though you felt like you were about to combust. Everything was a grey haze; everything was a thick mist she couldn’t find her way out of.

And worst of all, she had to act like it was fine; she had to appear put together. She had to continue to pretend that she wasn’t breaking on the inside. Breathe, smile, repeat.

It was a vicious cycle she couldn’t bend or else everything would be ruined. But maybe everything already was.

“Sorry, O, but I can’t go.” Raven said a few days later, hunched over her work table, avoiding looking at the girl standing at her tent opening. The day before, Octavia had asked if Raven wanted to go with her and Clarke to meet with Lincoln, to try to figure out their next move against Anya and her clan. Raven agreed, of course, because she knew how badly Octavia wanted her to meet her _him._ But now, the morning they were leaving, Raven couldn’t fathom standing in the same proximity as him. Nothing against him, she just couldn’t fucking _do it._

Because Octavia wasn’t just asking Raven to meet with a Grounder, she was asking her to meet her _boyfriend._ A peaceful Grounder. A beautiful man. The man Octavia had, much to Raven’s utter dismay, fallen in love with.

She didn’t know which was worse, that Octavia was in love with a Grounder, or that Octavia was in love and it wasn’t with _her._

“Are you sure?” Octavia asked, disappointment lacing her tone.

Raven squeezed her eyes shut, hating that she was letting her down. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I have to get the radio working as soon as possible.” She held her breath. It wasn’t a lie, not technically, but it wasn’t the truth of course; there was no way in hell she was telling Octavia the truth.

Octavia bit her lip, shrugging, though Raven couldn’t see. “It’s okay. I get it.”

Raven turned towards her as she walked out and said lamely, “Tell Lincoln I said hey.”

“I will. Be back tonight.” Octavia said back, not looking at her.

Sighing silently, she turned back to her work and mumbled, “Be careful.”

“Always.” And she was gone, zipping the tent shut behind her.

 

 

“Why didn’t you go with her?” Bellamy’s deep voice carried through her tent and the last thing she wanted to do in that moment was have a conversation with him. Especially about _that._

Raven snorted from her seat at the table. “ _‘Oh, Raven, it’s so good to see you. I’m so glad you didn’t crash and die. You’re going to save us all with that brilliant mind of yours.’_ Thanks for leaving me out of the plan, by the way.”

“It was Octavia’s idea.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“One that you agreed with.” She said in a clipped tone.

“Well, yeah.” He shrugged, crossing his arms. He was waiting for her to turn to him, to at least acknowledge that he was there, but she didn’t. Glaring slightly, Bellamy walked farther into the tent and said, “Raven, you were needed on the Ark. You weren’t…you weren’t expendable.”

“Neither were you!” She exclaimed, finally whipping around towards the man, gripping the wrench tightly in her hand to keep from punching the table, or Bellamy’s face, whichever came first. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly through her nose, took a few moments to collect herself, then said calmly, “And neither was Octavia. You should have let me help.”

“I’m sorry.” He said sincerely.

“Wow,” Her voice was flat as she turned back to the radio in front of her.

Bellamy raised his brows. “What?”

“I think that’s the first time you’ve ever apologized for something.” She tried to keep her words harsh but there was no hiding the smile in her voice.

“Shut up.” He grinned.

A moment of silence, and then she turned back towards him and asked, “Are you really going to let her go see a Grounder?” She cringed slightly from the venom in her voice. There was no way it went unrecognized.

Bellamy raised his eyebrows in question, then crossed his arms and smirked once he realized the reasoning behind the tone of her voice. Raven arched her brows, waiting for him to speak. “You’re jealous.” He stated in amusement.

Raven laughed forcefully. “I don’t get jealous.”

He rolled his eyes. “Raven, you get jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.” She scoffed, turning back to the metal, hoping that Bellamy would get the picture that she wanted the conversation to end and needed to get back to work.

Either he didn’t get it or he didn’t care, because instead of leaving Bellamy walked around to the other side of the table so he was standing in front of her. Raven fought herself to keep her eyes trained on the metal parts and tools on her table. “Why are you jealous?” He questioned, his arms still crossed. He was rocking back on his heels and Raven knew when she looked up she would see that boyish smile spread over his face.

Raven looked up at him, scowling. _That stupid smile._ “Bellamy, I’m trying to work.” She motioned to all the stuff on her table, desperate for him to go away. If he kept probing, then he was going to find out, and that was something Raven did not want to happen. It was bad enough that Finn knew she was in love with Octavia, but for Bellamy to know? She’d rather die.

“Raven,” He pressed.

Her fist tightened around the heavy wrench again. “If you don’t get out of here, then I’m going to beat you with a wrench.” She threatened through a clenched jaw.

The man smirked, daring her. “No you won’t.” He taunted.

Sighing, Raven mumbled, “Just go away, Bellamy.” Her voice was soft, tired of fighting. She just wanted to be alone, she wanted to be in silence.

And without another word, he did. Raven sat alone in her tent, bent over her work table, eyes squeezed shut. She inhaled deeply, exhaled slowly, then opened her eyes and got back to work. But the thought of Octavia with Lincoln wouldn’t go away.

 

 

Later that night, in an attempt to forget everything, Raven sat against a tree that oversaw the camp, a half empty canteen of Monty’s Moonshine in her hand. She wanted to numb everything—every thought of Octavia with him, every thought of getting communication with the Ark, every thought of possibly dying in a war against the Grounders—Raven wanted to erase everything and just…emerge herself into the bliss of _nothingness._

But of course, the universe had other plans, as it usually did when it came to her.

“Drowning your sorrows?” Finn asked, plopping himself down beside her.

“I have no sorrows to drown.” She bit back harshly, then brought the canteen to her lips and took a large gulp. The liquid stung as it went down, but the pain was welcomed.

Finn rolled his eyes, leaning back against. “Sure.” He uttered under his breath.

She side eyed him, eyes narrow slits, “What’s that tone?”

He shook his head and shrugged innocently. “What tone?”

“You have a _tone._ ” She sat up, continuing to glare at the boy.

“No, I don’t.” Finn clasped his hands behind his head, propping his foot on his knee and swinging it through the air.

Raven grumbled some curse words under her breath and leaned back against the scratchy tree again. “Sure,” She muttered, drawing the word out.

He arched a brow, looking at her in amusement. “Now you’re the one with the tone.” He jabbed playfully.

She kicked his foot off his knee and took a few more gulps of the moonshine. “You can leave.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Then shut up.”

Finn gave up for the moment. He held his hand out, making a grabby gesture for the canteen. Raven took another greedy gulp before handing it over. Finn sipped it gingerly, which caused Raven’s annoyance to rise. Usually she was a fun drunk, but tonight she was bitter and angry. She wanted to drown in the moonshine, to chug the bitter liquid until it numbed her completely, or until she died from alcohol poisoning. Whichever came first.

“Is it about Octavia?” Finn asked after a few moments. He was leaning towards her and his voice was low in case any of the other delinquents were trying to eaves drop.

Raven stayed silent, arms propped on her knees as she stared forward at nothing in particular. Around them, the teenagers were laughing and talking in front of the large bon fire Bellamy and Murphy had built. Even Clarke was having fun. Raven wished she could join them. She wished she could forget the past few days. She wished she could erase her feelings all together, that she could become an emotionless robot instead of suffering like this.

Her life wasn’t over, she _knew_ that, but goddamn it, it felt as if it was.

“She has a fucking boyfriend.” She finally answered, her voice void of emotion.

Finn nodded slowly. “Lincoln, yeah.”

_“Lincoln,”_ Raven repeated his name, enunciating each letter. She didn’t know him. Didn’t want to know him. By default, she hated him.

“He’s…not that bad.” Finn said carefully, afraid to say the wrong thing and cause Raven to become even more distraught than what she already was. And she was extremely distraught, the most he’d ever seen her. She wasn’t even this upset when her mother got Floated—granted, Raven had a very negative relationship with the woman, so maybe that wasn’t a good comparison on his part. Bottom line, Finn had never seen Raven like this before; she had it together, she _always_ had it together. So to see her like this, to see her as defeated as she was, well, it broke his damn heart.

Raven snorted and grabbed the canteen back. “Of course he’s not.” She chugged the rest of the moonshine, ignoring the searing pain as it trickled down her throat and burned into her stomach.

Finn placed a hand on her shoulder and asked, “Are you okay?”

She shrugged him off, grumbling, “Fucking peachy.”

“I’m here if you want to talk about it.” He offered, though he knew she already knew that. He’d always be there for her; that’s just how it was.

Raven slumped her shoulders and said, her voice small and low, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

He nodded in understanding. “I know. I’m just saying, I’m here if you do.”

She looked up at him, her lips quirked up in a pitiful smile. “Thanks.”

 

 

“You’re in love with her.” Bellamy stated a few days later. He was leaning against the opening of her tent while she worked over her table. She didn’t turn to him, but he could tell by how her body straightened that he was right. He’d known for a while, truthfully, he just never said anything about it. He was hoping Raven would tell him. Would trust him enough to tell him.

And maybe she was going to tell him eventually, but he couldn’t take watching her sulk around camp anymore. Or see how her face fell whenever Octavia mentioned Lincoln. Raven was like—no, she _was_ —his second sister, and it hurt him to see her in pain, even if it was emotional. Especially if it was emotional.

Finally, Raven looked up at him. They silently stared at each other for a few moments, just staring at each other until Raven heaved a sigh and turned back to her work. “She’s in love with Lincoln.” She finally murmured, defeated and tired.

Bellamy felt his heart break.

 

 

The worst part about everything was that she _liked_ Lincoln. When she finally met him (she couldn’t avoid it forever, stars be damned), she found herself _liking_ him. He was a good man, and he made Octavia smile. It’d been so long since Raven had seen her light up like that—the first time was when she went to see her in that tiny apartment in the Ark. She tried to hate him, she really did, but there was nothing about him to hate.

Octavia loved him.

Raven would like him despite herself.

 

 

The radio finally worked, and they were able to communicate with the Ark. The adults helped them survive, while the kids helped them find a solution. They wouldn’t talk about it much, but the Ark was still dying, and they were running out of time.

 

 

The sun was shining the day Anya and her Grounders attacked.

They had two days to prepare, but it wasn’t enough.

 

 

“Holy— _fuck!_ ” Raven’s voice echoed through the room as she fell to the hard floor, landing on her stomach and rolling to the side. She groaned, pressing her hand on the left side of her lower back, and when she brought her palm to her face. She saw dark crimson. “You _shot_ me!” She shouted, too shocked to be pissed.

He looked at her, eyes as big as the moon and he placed the gun on the ground. “It’s not like I meant to.” Murphy shot back, moving towards her to help her up. It was true; he may have an asshole, but Murphy wasn’t _completely_ heartless. The safety was off as he was reloading the gun, which, _yeah,_ he should have checked, but he didn’t and _yes,_ that was his fault, but he didn’t mean to _shoot Raven._

Raven shook her head and swatted him away. “Don’t touch me. You might kill me this time.”

“Then what do you want me to do?” He was in a panic. If Raven died, then he was dead. Hell, he was probably already dead because Bellamy was going to kill him when he found out. Bellamy, Octavia, Finn, and Clarke. Finn and Clarke he wasn’t scared of. But machine gun wielding Bellamy and machete swinging Octavia? Yeah, he would admit to being afraid of them. Especially when it came to a hurt Raven.

She gritted her teeth, using all the willpower she had to not scream her lungs out. She’d never felt this amount of pain before. Sheer agony rippled through her like a river, spreading all throughout her body, but resonating in that specific spot on her left side of her lower back. “Go get Bellamy or Clarke or Finn or Octavia.” She finally got out, breathless and panting.

“Which one?” He asked, his voice elevated in panic. Raven was sure that was the first time she ever heard him genuinely scared.

“Whichever!” She snapped, flinging her hand through the air towards the door. Murphy said nothing as he raced from the dropship. Once he was gone, Raven let a slew of curse words pour from her mouth as she laid back on the cool metal. She was going to kill him; when she had the strength, she was going to kill that son of a bitch.

 

 

“You _shot_ her?” Bellamy asked incredulously, looking towards Murphy as he was bent down beside Raven. He was the first to rush into the dropship, and when he saw her lying in a pool of blood, not moving, he nearly passed out. She’d groaned in pain, which relieved him slightly, and he helped her sit up against the wall of the ship. Clarke and Finn were right behind him, both wide eyed at the sight before them.

“I didn’t mean to!” Murphy shouted in defense.

Raven put her hand on Bellamy’s arm to somewhat calm him. “It’s true, Bellamy. As much as I would like you to beat Murphy’s ass, he didn’t mean to.”

“What do you need?” Clarke asked.

Raven shook her head and tried to sit up, but was met with searing pain. She grunted, biting her tongue as she sat back against the wall. “There’s no time; we have to rig the dropship to blow before the Grounders kill us.”

“Raven, you have a bullet in your back.” Bellamy said as if she didn’t know.

She rolled her eyes. “And if we survive this attack then Clarke can take it out. Until then, we have more important things to do.” That’s when she realized someone was missing. Looking up at Bellamy, she asked with worried eyes, “Where’s Octavia?”

“Guarding the perimeter with the others.” Bellamy explained, then kissed Raven on top of the head and stood, backing towards the door. “Finn and I are going back out there.”

Raven nodded. “Be careful, please.” The two boys nodded before leaving. Murphy followed after them, feeling out of place with Raven and Clarke. Once they were alone, Raven said, “Okay, Clarke, you’re going to have to crawl down to the control panel under the ship to rig it to blow. I’ll talk you through it.”

Easier said than done. Because while Clarke was smart in medicine and strategy, she was completely clueless when it came to engineering.

“Come on, Clarke, it’s not rocket science.” Raven sighed in mild frustration ten minutes into explaining how to rewire the dropship.

There was a beat of silence, Clarke cursing under her breath, then a gruff, “Actually, it is.”

Raven shouldn’t help smiling, a sad, small thing. “It’s pathetic, you know. I used to be picked first for everything. First in class, first in work. First, no questions asked.” She laughed bitterly, shifting uncomfortably on her side, hissing at the pain in her lower back that shot up her spine. “But now…now just look at me. How the hell did I end up here?”

“Hey, Raven,” Clarke called up to her, and a moment later, “I’d pick you first.”

Raven laughed despite the pain. “Of course you would; I’m awesome.”

Clarke said something else, but she couldn’t hear; Raven fell to the side and sank into the darkness. Her last thought before she passed out was of Octavia, if she was safe, praying that she survived.

And, she hoped Octavia knew that she loved her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this is okay. I don't know if I wrote this well enough, but as always, let me know what you think! 
> 
> Two more parts left. :)


End file.
